My best friend recently got an iPhone. She was very excited for us to start playing "Totally Not Scrabble." I was less excited, since, until playing at my brother's house this last Christmas visit, I had not played Scrabble (or any of the Un-Scrabbles) since about 1980 something, maybe early 90ish, and I was pretty sure she was just going to keep beating me over and over. But, I figured it would still be fun, and I wouldn't be so bad at it (I'm good at wordy things), and she was very keen on it, so we started playing.
Here's what I had forgotten. Well, not really forgotten, but maybe was trying to forget. I am not very mature about losing. Oh, I know that I have to do it sometimes. And I know that there's nothing shameful in it, that it's really the playing that matters, that I engage in these sorts of activities to spend time with my friends and not just to win and blah blah blah. But the fact remains that I don't handle losing well, especially at things that I feel like I should be good at, like things involving words. So I was enjoying playing, and I was enjoying having a way to interact with my besty, but I was not enjoying losing, especially losing over and over.
This might be a good time to note that we've actually only played three games, so when I say "over and over," I mean twice. But it felt like over and over and all the time and oh my god I am horrible and this is no fun at all because I am bad at enjoying things when I'm not doing well. This might be a good time to note that, when I say "not doing well," what I mean is "not winning."
Anyway, I was trying to enjoying it, but it was hard because I kept losing. But I kept playing because I really am a grown up, and I can't refuse to play just because I'm not winning (although I was tempted to do just that the week that I was feeling super crappy and then M. got like a 200 point word, which she put in the spot where I needed to put my letters). But now I feel better because I don't remember what I was depressed about, and I'm not so tired this week, and I got some good (albeit stressful) news today, and I finally won a game (because I'm only sort of a grown up), and even if it takes me another several tries to win again, at least I know it's possible.
Because I have photographic evidence.