Unpleasantvile: The Vampire Diaries, episode 12.
I am including this text here because I haven't figured out another way to ensure that spoilery things don't get shown to those who'd rather not see them. I'm working on it.
Vervaine goodies all around! Why is the thought of Stefan sitting around making vervaine-laced friendship bracelets so funny to me?
NO, JEREMY! DO NOT INVITE RANDOM PEOPLE IN! And you know from the close up on the feet that he's a vampire. Is anyone in town not a vampire?! ACK! He's not just any vampire - he's hoodie vampire!
There are obviously going to be a lot of exclamation points in this post.
Damon rubs in the road trip. Ooh, Stefan rubs in the trapped-in-a-tomb girlfriend. Taunting is a bad idea, Stefan.
Jeremy is so cute. It's a shame his life is going to get ruined. Again.
Praise Apollo! Someone FINALLY gave Caroline some vervaine. It's about damned time.
New bartender is cute. Which means he's either a werewolf or a vampire.
I love Bonnie talking trash to Damon. Does that look mean Damon can smell that bartender dude is weird?
Phone calls while walking alone to your car are NEVER good on TV. Yup - that's bad. Why are you pausing, rather than getting into the car?!
Had the whole predator thing really not occurred to you, Elena?
OK, that thing is obviously going to point at someone we're not expecting it to before the season is over.
Danger, Will Robinson! Touchy subject alert! Matt overreacts a little, Caroline gets her feelings hurt. Again.
She's dead, right? Because it would obviously be too much to give Jeremy a cute, normal girlfriend.
But random drifter girl was a Pierce? So, a runaway from the founding family lineage? Interesting.
I don't understand why Stefan is all with the taunting. Isn't that how the coach got killed? Although, it's also how Damon spilled the beans on the bring-back plan...
He's not serious, is he? You're going to help him release Catherine, who will certainly turn out to have been the ringleader? Not smart. Because they're obviously not going to just ride off into the sunset. And, once Catherine sees Elena, she's not going anywhere.
I'm not understanding why he didn't go after him there.
I like Damon's respect for the subterfuge.
Elena - "I'll be with the two of you - I'll be safe." Uh, I don't know that that's really a rational statement. You're not *actually* safe with either of them.
Hah! I'm loving the "We hate Damon" club :)
Oh, this is not going to go well. Please, hot teacher, do NOT try to kill Damon right now. In addition to the fact that you will fail (and probably die), we need him to hunt right now.
Oh, snap! Damon just got played by all the ladies in the house! I mean, not that he doesn't deserve it, but...
Oh, ok. So I guess I'll stop talking trash about the Salvatore brothers' absolute uselessness as vampire detectors. They don't sense each other because they *can't* in this universe.
Ooh, that's cold, Jeremy! I mean, not completely untrue, but a little brutal to point out. Of course, since she's a vampire, she's probably not particularly perturbed by the fact that the teenager thinks she's a little bit of a stalker.
"...washed up jocks..." Ouch. Didn't we talk about the touchy subject thing, Caroline? People can hear you!
You are not subtle, hot teacher. That will go a long way towards getting you killed in this town.
Eyestalking? I think we just call that staring.
Bonnie looks really pretty tonight. Too bad this guy is obviously some sort of monster.
And there's that bruised ego.
OK, chica - you are totally stalking. Are you really maladjusted, or dead? I think dead. Yeah, you're WAY too into this diary thing.
Stefan and Elena really are cute together. He's endearing when he's not brooding. And, I like how the dance move required no *actual* dancing on his part. Are both of the Salvatore brothers hopelessly without moves?
Jeremy's girlfriend says hoodie vamp is not sticking to the plan. What plan?!
OH MY GOD - IS CATHERINE CRACK-FLAVORED?! Was every guy in town obsessed with her?
"They don't scare me - they never have." Were the Salvatore brothers supposed to be bad-asses at some point?
PS - the answer to that dancing question is yes. They are both hopelessly without moves.
yes, Stefan - I think it's an EXCELLENT idea to leave her unattended. And, why is Damon not hearing this? Too distracted by his inappropriate dancing?
WOW! He's a decoy - who woulda thunk?!
Work it out Elena! I mean, your makeshift stake got blocked, but nice hustle!
So, Catherine is a serial man-toy maker?
Hm. I wonder who hoodie vamp is afraid of. It's not Jeremy's new girlfriend.
Damon tries to compel Hot Teacher. Why do I feel like that didn't work? Ah, because he's got a fist full of vervaine. That is both good and very bad.
So, race for the grimoire? No...a deal. Are you really making this deal with him, Stefan? You KNOW he's not going to keep up his end of the bargain.
Best exchange of the episode:
Damon - Why should I trust you?
Stefan - Because I'm your brother.
Damon - No, that's not gonna cut it.
Stefan - Because I want you gone.
Damon - Ok.
You know, as annoying as Caroline often is, she's right. Good job, Matt. Now you're not dating OR friends. But you're enough of a sweetheart that I'm sure you'll fix it.
Of course his dead wife is Elena's mother. I don't understand why, but I am not at all shocked.
YAY! I knew you'd fix it. "This'll never work." No, Matt, it won't. But it'll be fun to watch it crash and burn!
Stefan is making Elena tea. Again with the endearing. And, yes, fighting back *is* empowering, isn't it, Elena?
Uh, oh. What now? Ah, that. Yeah, you - whoa! I feel like this is a bad idea. It was a bad idea to do it, andit is an even worse idea to talk about it. I suspect that he's listening to you right now.
Jeremy's girlfriend sneaks up on bartender dude. I KNEW HE WAS DEAD!!! And he's in on the plan...whatever that may be. Ugh, that also means that the magical negro can't get a real boyfriend either. I should have known. Well, I did, but...
*sigh* So many problems here. Why is Elena related to Alaric's wife? Where have all these old vampires been and why does everyone except Stefan seem to have known about the tomb-stasis? I'm so confused now. Ooh, or maybe they're not trying to get into the tomb for the same reason?