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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Damn, Damon! DAMN!

Bloodlines: The Vampire Diaries, Episode 11

ALL SPOILERS, ALL THE TIME!
Nice recap action.

Stefan calls Elena to say that he knows the picture must have "confused" her. Um, you think it "confused" her? That's funny, because I'd have gone with "freaked her shit out," AND JUSTIFIABLY SO! Your assholery in this almost distracts me from that wife-beater you're wearing so well. Almost.

Ugh, I didn't really need to see the wreck again. Or the leg uncrunching. Gross!

Elena, upside down and trapped while a mysterious monster-man approaches, is losing her shit. Again, justifiably so. This is exactly the time you *should* freak out.

Is that that asshole Tyler?!

Damon to the rescue! I don't think she's in any condition to talk to you right now, handsome. Ooh, unless she says that. PS - Can you at least smell whoever that was?

Voiceover'Ric says, "Yeah, I finally got one." I KNEW IT! He was *way* too nervous-looking when he took on Dead!Logan. I'm not compelled by this flashback, but that's probably because it tells me nothing, except that his wife likes to sleep in. I presume that, when he gets home, he'll catch a glimpse of Damon as he exits post-kill. Or Stefan. No, Damon. In the wake of sleeping with Elena w/out telling her about the doppelganger thing, they won't show him doing anything really bad right now. He's got to regain our trust.

PS - I'm loving this song.

Hah hah - road trip! I like how Elena's like, "Come on, Damon - don't play!" and Damon is all, "No, really. I just kidnapped your ass. Live a little!"

By the by - holy shit, he looks good. A couple of months off the air and I almost forgot how strong the urge to lick his face is. Just kidding! I would NEVER do something that gross (in front of witnesses)!

HAHAHAHAHA! Best exchange so far:
Damon: "He wants to talk to you."
Elena:*shaking her head* "Mmm-umh."

OK, Stefan. I'ma need you to close your mouth. I know you're out of sorts, but breathe through your nose. Or not at all, I guess.

"Will I be safe with you? You promise you won't do that 'mind controley thing?'" Why would you believe him?! Of COURSE he's going to say yes! I mean, he probably means it, because how much more annoyed will Stefan be if he *doesn't* compel you, but WHY WOULD YOU BELIEVE HIM?!

'Ric looking for his ring. In case we hadn't figured out that he's not highly flammable.

And now Stefan rolls up to high school (does no one notice him just coming and going like not at all a high school student?) to strong arm Bonnie into helping him. "You back in school," she asks? "No, no. Not back in school. Just need to use you - I mean ask you a favor!" OK, he didn't say that, but he was *like* that.

WitchFail! Oooooh - maybe getting bitten jacked up her powers!

GINA TORRES!!! Please hit him now - it's clich├ęd, but it would be FABULOUS! Oh, ok. I guess a lip-lock will do. But only because they're both so hot. Being so happy to see him obviously means she's going to try to kill him, though. Too bad - I was hoping she'd be recurring.

"Walkaway Joe?" Really?

Jeremy and some chick meet cute in the library. How come I never meet cute in the library? And what's wrong with her? There's got to be something. Or is she going to be the Memory Jogger? Hm.

Whitley-Gram! I want your coat, Whitley-Gram. Or, sweater, whatever it is. Gorgeous color.

Whitley-Gram tells Bonnie that she's blocked "up here" by whatever's got her so scared. So...she's gonna need therapy to get her powers back?

Bree tells Damon he's s.o.l. Damon gives good trauma-face. It's so much fun watching him not get what he wants! It won't last long, though. Mark my words - that crypt is coming open sooner, rather than late.

Bonnie wanders off into the woods. Because nothing weird ever happens out there! OK, Bonnie - did you bother to tell anyone where you were going? Of course not. That would be too much like right.

New best exchange:
Stefan: "Listen-"
Elena: *click*
HAH!

Ooh, who is Bree calling? WOMAN SCORNED, MOTHERFUCKER! God, the Salvatore brothers are bad at psychology.

Oh, Bonnie. Trapped underground with a pentagram.

Oh, snap! Gram is not playing with you, deadboy.

Oh, Jeremy...allegorical vampires...it's going to suck when you get your memory back.

Bonnie how the hell are you going to get a signal down there? And whose phone makes that noise? And, are you sure you really want to go investigate the pentagram? Because I'd stay the hell away from it.

That was obviously Stefan.

Told you.

Stefan: "You're safe."
Famous last words...

No, it wasn't Tyler, it was that guy. How come Damon doesn't sense him or something?

"Maybe we could have a fright night and rent a whole bunch of vampire movies..." And then I could hook up with you. Or not - just friends, ha ha - bye!

Elena gets snatched and drops her phone. Genius. And you don't look guilty at all, Zoe. I mean Bree.

I love it that Damon takes the time to say, "What the hell?!" while getting his ass beat.

OH, HELL YEAH! BEAT HIS ASS, LEXIE'S MAN - BEAT! HIS! ASS! And then run, because he's going to be really pissed.

PS - How does Damon's ex know Lexie's BF? Were they all buds? Well, I guess if she knew about Damon, she might have met Stefan, too, so might have also met Lexie. And her boyfriend. It all seems to cozy for me, though.

Sheila, huh? Of course they've met. Lay down the law, Sheila! Glad there's no foreshadowing there.

Oh, Bree. You're so gonna get dead now. I mean, if I were Damon, I would kill you. Not like you didn't have a reason (or two) to be upset with him, but that's not going to matter, you know.

OH MY GOD! You did NOT just rip that woman's heart out! Damn, Damon! I mean, I know it must suck get beat down and almost set on fire, but you *did* kill Lexie. It's not like they don't have a point. Damn, Damon.

Pssst...Elena...do you want to know what happened to Bree after you saved his life? Or do you already know? I mean, you must know, right?

The reckoning. And Stefan's boneheaded explanation is...Oh, damn! OH, DAMN! This is some "Moonlight" shit. At least she wasn't 5 when he saved her life. And then stalked her. And then just randomly met her again. I did not guess the rescue thing, but I knew he'd been checking her out. Because if I were him, and some chick looked like Katherine, I'd have to make sure I didn't need to kill her.

I'm sorry, did you just tell this poor girl that she's adopted, too? Wow. Though, to be honest, that sort of seems small compared to everything else that's going on. I mean, did you hear that recap? "I can deal with the fact that you're a vampire, and you have a vampire brother, and my best friend is a witch." "And I'm adopted" seems a little anticlimactic. So...Katherine's blood opens the tomb, right?

Aw, yeah - I KNEW IT! I *KNEW* HE KILLED 'RIC'S WIFE! Shit, fan...fan, shit.

I love this show.

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