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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Fug Madness 2013, Sweet Sixteen, part 2

Chloe Sevigny (6) vs. Zosia Mamet (10)
Cheer up, Zosia -- I'm pretty sure you're going to win this one!

Justin Bieber (1) vs. Lady Gaga (4)
This is how you take out Lady Gaga.

Heidi Klum (2) vs. Christina Hendricks (6)
I think Klum is going to skate by on this one. Maybe that's only fair, since I feel like there should be ice skating involved with this. I don't think it matters -- I don't really see either of these ladies making it much further. What do I know, though -- I really though Kat Graham was going to make it to the final (against Bieber, so there's still hope for half of that).

Kristen Stewart (1) vs. Ke$sha (4)
Ke$sha is thrilled to see that this race is so tight. KStew...less so. I'm pulling for K. Stew.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Fug Madness 2013: Sweet Sixteen, part 1

Rita Ora (1) vs. Jessie J. (4)
This one is close, so far, and rightfully so. I still think the concussion jumpsuit is worse, but this is quite bad in its own right, and was the piece that decided my vote. Also, every time I read her name, I hear this.

Lindsay Lohan (6) vs. Lena Dunham (10)
Sigh. Let's not speak of it.

Rihanna (1) vs. Elle Fanning (5)
Baggy leather capri pajamas? 'Nuff said.

Kim Kardashian (2) vs. Carly Rae Jepsen (3)
I really think Jepsen's romper should be making a stronger showing, but that shit so cray, even Kanye is hanging back, like, "Wow, Kim -- I don't know..."

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Fug Madness 2013, Round 2, part 2

Anne Hathaway (3) vs. Chloe Sevigny (8) I don't have much to say about this one, so I'll just leave you with this.

Kat Graham (2) vs. Zosia Mamet (10) I can't even talk about this, but for very different reasons. I will say this: I think Fug Nation is making a big mistake. HUGE. For fug's sake, people -- SHE'S WEARING A DRUNK TOTEM POLE!

Alas, with her impending exit, my bracket will die. I'll keep playing along, but I'll know in my heart that she was robbed.

Lady Gaga (4) vs. Miley Cyrus (5) 
Even this won't be enough to stop the Gaga, but I wish it were.

Julianne Moore (1) made a good effort against Justin Beiber (8), but these pants are one of the fugliest things EVER.

Jessica Biel (3) vs. Christina Hendricks (6) 
I quote the Fug Girls, from another post: "Be bravely fugly, or battily fab. Have a little fun with it. Get us talking, not napping." I feel like Jessical Biel's fug is undeniably fug, but also utterly uninteresting. I'm voting for Our Mrs. Reynolds, by default.

Diane Kruger (7) vs. Heidi Klum (2)
Heidi: OH! Are you still here?

Diane: Well, actually, I think Joshua and I were just leaving...

Heidi: I thought so. Auf Wiedersehen!

Ke$sha (4) vs. Jessica Chastain (5)
No Contest.

Kristen Stewart (1) vs. Christa B. Allen (8)
This, however, was a contest. I'm sticking with KStew, though. This dress made me do my best impersonation of her as Bella: befuddled stare, jaw agape. KStew will pick up the mantle when Kat Graham's exit is official.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Fug Madness 2013: Round 2, part 1

My brackets are in bad shape! I'm not surprised, but I'm still disappointed. But, it's not over, yet -- I've still got hope for tomorrow's matchups.

Kim Kardashian (2) vs. Emma Roberts (10)
Le sigh. I was pulling for Kevin McHale, and hoping not to have to vote for a Kardashian. I had to vote for a Kardashian.

Carly Rae Jepsen (3) vs. Halle Berry (11)
Well, Blanchett went out -- these pants were obviously a force to be reckoned with. But I correctly called CRJ over SJP, so I'm sticking with her. Sadly for her, so will this photograph.

Rihanna (1) vs. Stella McCartney (8)
I called this matchup, though I think it'll be the last of the good news for me in this division. Rihanna will probably take it (I mean, her clothes *are* wackadoodle), but I really think Stella's are more *fug*.

Elle Fanning (5) Demi Lovato (13)
I was pretty sure Elle would knock January out on the strength of those terrible shoes, but I underestimated how much people hated Demi Lovato's hair. I'm going with Elle again (why is this visible under-dress thing a thing?) in this round, but that won't help my bracket. There may still be hope later in the tourney, though.


Katy Perry (2) vs. Lena Dunham (7)
I really disagree with Katy Perry over Gemma Arterton, but the people have spoken. I also disagree with Lena Dunham over Katy Perry (LOOK AT THIS), but I think I'm going to lose that battle, as well.

Nicki Minaj (3) vs. Lindsay Lohan (6)
As I think I said last round, I just can't with LiLo anymore. Nor should I have to. Fug Nation is blinded by whatever is happening here, but we should really be concerned about the fact that Nicki Minaj looks like a kind of cross between Venom, a beat cop, and wallpaper at the palais de Versailles. We know, by now, that Lindsay's not ready to change, but Nicki is obviously crying for help.

Rita Ora (1) vs. Vanessa Hudgens (8)
Jessie J. (4) vs. Jennifer Lopez (5)

Rita Ora's jumpsuits (and that sartorial concussion) took out the vagkin! I really hope I get to see her go up against Jessie J's catsuits.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Fug Madness, Round 1, part 2

Anne Hathaway (3) vs. Beyoncé (14)
Ok, Beyoncé wore this, but Anne Hathaway spent the biggest award season of her career (so far), one in which she was *obviously* going to win an Oscar -- looking so wretched that I can only express it in song.

I dreamed a dream of time gone by,
when fug was high and clothes ill-fitting.
I dreamed that this dress hurt my eyes
and that this one can't be forgiven...

You see where I'm going with this. I voted for Anne.

Kat Graham (2) vs. Amanda Peet (15)

Morena Baccarin (7) vs. Zosia Mamet (10)
Recently, on FB, AH posted that his "brain hard rebooted" when he read something. I'm going to steal that phrase to describe what my brain did when I saw this outfit. I think this one was more that moment when you boot up a Mac and, instead of the smiley face, you get a blinking question mark folder. Morena Baccarin brought the fug, but nothing that made me check the warranty on my brain.

Chloe Sevigny (6) vs. Lily Cole (11)
Wow. This one was really tough. I went with Sevigny -- Cole was a fugworthy opponent, but Sevigny brought the madness.

Justin Bieber (1) vs. Christina Ricci (16)
Fug try, Ricci, but The Bieb is in it to win it.

Lady Gaga (4) vs. Mamie Gummer (13)
I wanted to throw some Fug Love behind Mamie Gummer, because she seems to be totally serious about wearing things like this. But I laughed out loud at this, and there went my vote. Oh, Gaga. I don't know if the evil goat or this TSA t&a will give me worse nightmares.

Miley Cyrus (5) vs. Emma Watson (12)
Hermioine would not approve, but I had to go with Miley, because this is a snake away from being a way-too-short Dark Mark romper.

Julianne Moore (8) vs. Hailee Steinfield (9)
I've given up hope for Julianne Moore, but Hailee Steinfeld? Why, fashion gods? WHY?!

Heidi Klum (2) vs. Jessica White (15)
Um, JessicaHeidi? What good is being a model, if THIS is what you do with it?! I've voting for Jessica, because WTF?

Diane Kruger (7) vs. Kerry Washington (10)
Seriously? I'm pretty sure these women are both just fucking with us. Diane Kruger and Pacey Joshua Jackson dream up the worst of the worst, then sit around and laugh about how everyone Tried to keep a straight face. And Kerry WashingtonNo. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I voted for Kerry Washington, because I went to Google and had to work too hard to find pictures of her looking right. I'm pretty sure Kruger will take it, though, because this.

Jessica Biel (3) vs. Rashida Jones (14)
Why can't Rashida Jones wear clothes that fit? I mean, she is cute, and must have a TON of money -- she could have everything tailored, if she needed to. I don't get it. And then there's the part where this made me go cross-eyed. And I find everything about Jessica Biel uninteresting, so I voted for Rashida.

Christina Hendricks (6) vs. Amanda Seyfried (11)
No filtering on this one -- these were my actual responses to the accompanying photos:

My vote went to Hendricks, because she is such a habitual offender.

Kristen Stewart (1) vs. Michelle Dockery (16)
Good lord -- I thought the 20s costumes were bad on Lady Mary, but this dress is WAY worse, and it's not even a costume. But it's nothing compared to what Kristen Stewart is wearing. These outfits are so hideous -- HIDEOUS! --that they distracted me from the fact that HER MOUTH IS ACTUALLY CLOSED!

I'm pulling for KStew. Here's hoping that girl makes better choices all around in the coming Fug year.

Ke$ha (4) vs. Ashley Benson (13)
Meh. I find Ke$ha's lack of pants more desperate and tiresome than Fug, and Ashley Benson seems about as boring as Jessica Biel. I voted for Benson, because that's what was closest to the cursor when I scrolled down.

Jessica Chastain (5) vs. Gwen Stefani (12)
Jessica (the Fug Girl, not the fugtestant) wrote: I CANNOT WITH THIS DRESS. Neither can I, but I even more cannot with this. No, really -- I can't even tell for sure what it is. Game: Stefani.

Eva Longoria (8) vs. Crista B. Allen (9)
Eva Longoria came out swinging, but Crista B. Allen swung back, using her capey thing to distract her opponent. Then she finished it off with something disorienting, and suspiciously like semi-leather formal shorts. I have no idea who she is, but Allen gets the vote.

So long to Round One. I expect some epic matchups in the Cher bracket next round.


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Fug Madness, Round 1, part1 (Madonna and Charo brackets)

Kim Kardashian (2) vs. Liberty Ross (15)I keep trying to ignore everything Kardashian, but had to vote for her, even though it's against my bracket. I mean, really.

Carly Rae Jepsen (3) vs. Sarah Jessica Parker (14)
Someone should call Carly Rae, maybe, and talk to her about her fashion choices. I think she should take this one.

Cate Blanchett (6) vs. Halle Berry (11)
Halle, these pants are even worse than your wackent in the X-Men movies. Cate, I don't even know how to respond to this. You're both better than this. Pull it together, ladies.

Kevin McHale (7) vs. Emma Roberts (10)
I suspect that Emma Roberts will take this match-up. I mean, she's certainly tryingReally hard. But I voted for Kevin McHale anyway. Man-fug usually just means dirty-looking or ill-fitting. I'm glad to see McHale doing something more fug-fashion-forward.

Elle Fanning (5) vs. January Jones (12)
Elle Fanning, especially her shoes.

Demi Lovato (13) vs Julianne Hough (4)
Demi Lovato, because oh my god.

Stella McCartney (8) vs. Emma Stone (9)
Stella McCartney's jumpsuits may be the new Lindsay Lohan's leggings. 

Rihanna (1) vs. Kirsten Dunst (16)
She's not the #1 seed in her division for nothing, y'all. I love it that the bystander in that picture seems to be thinking, "Really, Rihanna? Come on, now, girl."

Fug Madness, Round 1, part 1 (Cher and Bjork brackets)

Rita Ora (1) vs. Adrienne Bailon (16)
How much fug did top-seed Rita Ora have to bring to make me vote her over play-in "winner" Adrienne Bailon, who played her way in by wearing something Heather has dubbed a "vagkin"? See. For. YourSelf. Heather described that last one as "what concussions look like," and she is not wrong. I gave myself a concussion once. I was in a canoe, and there was a low-hanging tree branch, and my common sense/understanding of physics failed me, and I would accept that outfit as an artist's rendering of the first seconds after impact.

Vanessa Hudgens (8) vs. Katie Holmes (9)
Holmes works really hard to look really bad, but my vote went to Hudgens', whose fugwear has a nutballs flair to it that amuses me.

Jennifer Lopez (5) vs. Elizabeth Banks (12)
I like an underdog, and I worry that the brilliance of Heather's J. Faux "voice" give an undue advantage, so I voted for Elizabeth Banks over Jennifer Lopez. I think the victory will go to Lopez, but it felt like the right thing to do.

Jessie J (4) vs. Selena Gomez (13)
This one was a real blowout. This is terrible, but it's no match for this.

I think my overall bracket is going to take a big hit here.

Katy Perry (2) vs. Gemma Arterton (15)
As tragic as this is, I feel like Katy Perry's kook-fug is often derivative -- a little bit Madonna, a little bit Britney -- and always trying a little too hard. So I'm going with Arterton, because what? Why? I'll admit, though, that I like this one, but only as long as the pale stripes are actual dress (interesting), and not see-through (tacky). It's a little crazy, but I think it works on her.

Nicki Minaj (3) vs. Krysten Ritter (14)
I'm pretty sure I was sober when I filled out my bracket, but I somehow picked against Nicki Minaj. I'm sure I must have had a reason, but I can't remember it. Whatever that reason was...come on.

Lindsay Lohan (6) vs. Alexa Chung (11)I just can't with LiLo anymore, so I had to protest-pick Alexa Chung. This *is* really bad, though, so...

Naomi Watts (7) vs. Lena Dunham (10)I was sort of meh about this matchup. I mean, this is fugly. So is this. But I think I really voted for Dunham because Naomi Watts' husband makes it hard for me to focus on her clothes. And because she wore this.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Fug Madness 2013

The end stage of dissertation writing was one of the toughest periods of my life. One of the things that helped cheer me up was Go Fug Yourself, which was, at the time, a daily destination for me. For those who aren't familiar with it, Go Fug Yourself is a website run by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan (aka "The Fug Girls"), who wittily skewer celebrity fashion insanity. Having reached a new tough time (career transition, unemployment, blah, blah, blah), and given all of the Very Serious Thoughts I've been thinking* lately, I could use a little levity. So, this year, I'll be playing along with Fug Madness, which is like college basketball's March Madness**, but with terrible fashion choices.*** I've printed out my brackets, and I've set up the elliptical machine at my "desk" (aka my brother's kitchen table), so that I can make myself feel virtuous by getting some exercise while researching this year's fugticipants.**** Not ready to make my picks yet, but here are some initial thoughts on this year's fugetition*****:

The Cher Bracket - I'm hoping for a big year for Kat Graham, because it's got to get better than her current storyline on The Vampire Diaries.

The Bjork Bracket - Am I ready to be a Belieber?

The Charo Bracket - Rihanna's always the easy choice, but I think there's more interesting fug to be had in this division this year. I mean, Stella McCartney also designs most of the fug she wears.

The Madonna Bracket - As much as I'd like to find a reason to root for KStew, there's another K out there who wants this. Badly.

I'll post my bracket once I get it all filled in -- anyone interested in playing along should let me know in the comments of this post!

*You'll note I said "thinking," not "writing here on this blog."
**For those not aware of that either, March Madness is a nickname for the National Collegiate Athletic Association's annual single-elimination basketball championship tournament, which happens in March (mostly).

*** Not that college basketball is exempt from those.
****Just give up, spellcheck.
*****No, really -- give up, spellcheck.